for my first blog of this year, i had every intention of writing something different- something inspirational and uplifting. however, in one of many “ah ha” moments i've had in these first few days of 2021, i realized that i cannot, in earnest and with deep fullness, begin anything new without clearing out the old. so, in honor of releasing what has been in order to make space for what is to come (and there is a flood of creative ideas and energy pouring through!), i am sharing part of the brief letter Jakob and i just sent to our Refuge community along with some extra bits of history regarding our time here....

the letter.

dear family and friends of the Refuge-

we hope you are feeling blessed in this holy time - the turning of the year, the embarkation into a new cycle for humanity in this Aquarian Age, the mystery of the Great Turning. it’s a time of change, releasing the old. a time of imaginal gestation for what is to come. and, despite any trepidation (or resignation or relief) we may feel- on personal, local and global levels, it is a time of trust that all will be well, that all is moving on the long arc of history, bending towards justice.

with a great mix of emotions around this time of transition, we are writing to let you know that we are leaving The Refuge. it has been a very heartfelt, sometimes challenging and deeply bittersweet process. but we have decided that it is time for us to move to “quieter pastures” somewhere nearby and let this sacred place evolve into its next manifestation of community sanctuary.

we want to honor and offer our heartfelt gratitude to the spirits of this land who have supported our inspiring journey here, to the Central Sierra Miwuk peoples who partnered with this part of Earth’s body long before us, to the ancestors back and back who have supported both of our families, and to you, our global community of kindred souls who shared in the reciprocal blessings of the Refuge over the last seven years.

we know this may come as a shock to some or many of you, and we imagine you may have questions about our process. we want you to know that we have experienced more miracles than we can possibly recall, starting with the moment we met (a whole other story!). only a handful of people will ever know how much we put into this place. but we know in the depth of our being we have been guided by a force far bigger than us which has carried us through every part of this transformational journey. it’s brought gifts and changed us in ways we never could have imagined.

with Eternal Love and Infinite Gratitude,

ayreAnna and jakob

in preparing to leave this special place, we would be remiss not to acknowledge ourselves and our community for all the work that made the Refuge what it has become. so, a little history....

the story.

how it all started...

it looked very different when Jakob moved here in 2008. he and his second wife Tamura transformed the house by removing the metal awning (which blew down in a grand wind storm), and adding the beautiful pine siding, the sunroom and seed room (thank you, Thomas!). they also completely re-landscaped the front yard, put up the hoop house, built the Kitchen Garden and chicken coop (with major help from our dear brother Misha), fenced in the food forest while beginning to rebuild the soil there, and dug a pond down by the driveway.

the vision…

shortly after i moved in with Jakob and his daughter Bo, i started hosting a women’s movie night, with a few of my sisters gathering in our living room to enjoy a potluck dinner and discuss fun, inspiring or thought-provoking films each month. by the end of the year, i knew i wanted to share this experience with more folks. so, we created a larger gathering space by emptying out our garage, putting an old carpet on the cement floor, hanging fabrics on the walls and moving in a couple of sofas. then we invited our community to join us each month. it was a huge success! we even had an amazing poetry night with over 35 attendees, most of whom actually got up to the mic to share their talents. then we started hosting small house concerts with amazing musicians like Clan Dyken and Patrice Pike, as well as having the great honor of offering our land for indigenous ceremonies. the Refuge was growing!

growing the space...

in 2014 when Jakob and i decided to get married, we knew we wanted to keep offering all of these gatherings, but we needed to upgrade our infrastructure in order to do that. so, with our intention of “joyfully co-creating community awakening,” we took everything to the next level. we started by installing a huge irrigation system in the food forest and converting our shed to a beautiful office for me. but the major transformations happened when he had the fabulous idea of turning the empty pond into an amphitheatre (thank you, Misha, Rufino, Nikkonia, Tiger and all of the folks who helped dig, build and add finishing touches right up to the day of our wedding!) and we decided to convert the garage into a truly spectacular Temple (thank you Jamie, Tiger and Gareheart!). then we created parking areas for guests, a sacred gathering circle under the Grandpa Tree in the backyard and planted a glorious rainbow of herbs and flowers all around the new spaces for our beautiful wedding celebration on July 25, 2015.

in 2016, we converted my office to our “Casita” and became airbnb hosts. for over three years, we had the pleasure of hosting wonderful guests from all over the world. when we hit the 100 guest mark, we put a big world map on the wall by the dining table with pins marking each of our guests’ home towns. that was a real conversation starter!

since then, we planted over thirty fruit and nut trees, made the house much more livable with all kinds of lovely changes including painting the kitchen country Mexican style (thanks to help from Oni), added a wonderful outdoor “village” (thank you, Chad, Floyd and Riley) a beautiful patio enclosure in front of the Temple, a wood shop behind it, and an arbor by the Kitchen Garden (thank you Gareheart) and a gorgeous glamping bell tent. the most recent addition is the yurt Zion and Liyanna put up last year almost entirely themselves with help from Jakob, Floyd and other community members.

the vision expands...

in 2017, Jakob and i had the opportunity to attend a really amazing weekend visioning workshop which helped us to clarify the mission for our relationship to Amplify Love. it is this mission and our connection that same year with our spirit son Zion which birthed the next iteration of The Refuge. with the inclusion of many more hearts and minds from his extensive community, we are honored to have grown a larger vision for co-creating a more beautiful world by hosting new gatherings, inviting more residents and deepening our commitment to our global family.

the happenings...

we miss all of the joyful and meaningful gatherings so many of you have shared with us here at The Refuge - movie nights, Heart Wide Open ceremonies, poetry nights, house concerts, sacred indigenous ceremonies like sweat lodges and fire walks, our three awesome One Love Gatherings and countless other blessed times together. we’re honored to have grown healthy, vibrant food for ourselves and our community over the years as our gardens have expanded and many, many hands have tended soil, planted, weeded, watered, harvested and loved this land. the stimulating and inspiring conversations over long and lovely dinners. the moments of sacred silence and song around the fires or in the Temple. the immensely varied and ever-heartfelt musical offerings from folks as near as right here to as far as South Africa. the love Jakob and i feel for each other was echoed so beautifully in the love which was amplified in each and every one of them. it was absolute magic!

the people...

as many of you know, we have had the opportunity to share our home with some wonderful folx over the years. from our beautiful and varied gatherings to family, friends, airbnb guests and housemates, they have all blessed our lives and the lives of our community members in countless ways... we hope you know who you are, as the list is longer than we can remember. we have felt deeply sad at not being to share our home and hearts with our sweet gatherings in this last year, but we want to be sure to acknowledge those who lived here over the last seven years.

Adriell (my spirit sister from Mexico who now lives in Finland with her wife Merja) and Kaedence (dream teacher extraordinaire who lives nearby with her sweetheart William) were our first wonderful and delightful ‘mates who did countless hours of homesteading research to help us get started on this path. Malik (our spirit son who now teaches permaculture in Chicago) shared his vibrant, joyful spirit and helped us launch our farm guest system. Tim and Justine (our soul children who subsequently started an amazing non-profit in Springfield, MO and now have a sweet baby, Amasa) brought their huge hearts, massive farming knowledge and indispensable carpentry skills and left us with a set of awesome compost bins, the new Seed Room roof, our gorgeous picnic tables and hope for their return. Ainsley (now residing in Colorado with her cat Tuxedo) and Oni (who is now bringing her abundant gifts to her new community in Santa Fe, NM) helped manage our airbnb; Nellah (our spirit daughter who is living, working and making art in Long Beach) and Oni as well as our dear local friends Winter, Debbie, Laurie and Marguerite helped manage our gatherings and outreach. we were so blessed to have Shira (who made it to France to further her studies and life’s work, and reconnect with her soulmate!) and her effervescence with us multiple times over the years.

Zion and Liyanna joined us in March, 2019, bringing their incredible dedication to the gardens, earth and justice, as well as their unique and important talents and visionary powers to expand the Refuge. along with Brittany (our sweet, mystical sister, and Patience, Brittany’s sweet dog!), they are all bringing their immense gifts to midwife this place into its new form.

enfin.

this morning, as i sat beneath the beautiful “grandfather tree” in the midst of a huge wind storm, I (ayreánna) had a beautiful, heart-opening cry as i was reminded of the conversation with my children after my mom‘s death when we were getting ready to release her home at our family’s land. i asked them how they were feeling about letting it go, and Tanner said, in his infinite wisdom, "her spirit isn't only in the house, mom. it’s everywhere on this land." after that memory washed over me, the wind blew a great “yes!" through the branches of this sacred tree, as i realized that our spirits will always be in this land - especially in this beautiful oak tree under which we were married. and, so, it is with relief, joy, grief, awe, expectancy, and most of all, profound Gratitude, we say goodbye to this place. through what we built and offered here, we gave it all from the bottom of our hearts and will continue to share from wherever we land as Love... Amplified.

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